Justifying. A ridiculous and horrible habit I have had for years. Every single time someone misjudged me or had something to say about a choice I made I felt this innate need to justify myself and my life. But, WHY? Why was I feeling the need to do this? And, what right do they have to be making comments about my life anyways? I'm going to address these two questions in today's post.
The thing that got me to dive into this concept a bit more was an event that happened about two weeks ago with a family member. I made a comment about how I was working at my current job because it was paying for my college, and was met with a comment about how that mindset is everything wrong with my generation. Pause. Since when is working smarter, not harder a bad thing?
Before I knew it, a person really close to me pointed out that I was justifying myself to that person, when frankly, I did not owe them any explanation for my life choices whatsoever. For the first time ever, I had the confidence to walk away and fully realize I owed that family member zero explanation. If she wanted to misjudge me, she had every right to do so. I on the other hand, have every right to walk away and choose distance over disrespect. So, I did and have continued to do so since.
But, during this time frame where I was evaluating why I was constantly feeling the need to justify, I discovered it was born from a place of deep insecurity that I would never be good enough. Growing up, I was accomplished, therefore had high standards set for me. When these standards set by others were not met, I was met with disappointment, anger, and the feelings that I was not good enough and if I wasn't reaching what I perceived as "near perfection" often enough, I was never going to be good enough. Now that I am older, I see what a ridiculous notion that was, and I understand those high standards came from a place of love and have honestly given me the work ethic and drive I have today! But, circling back to that first question, why am I feeling the need to justify? I invite you to peer into your insecurities. That is where my need stemmed from.
The second question, what right do these people have to make comments about my life? None, but they do have the right to an opinion and most people will unfortunately project those opinions on you if they are feeling the need to make you feel inferior. That desire to make others feel inferior stems from insecurity they harbor within themselves, and as long as you recognize that fact, their words will not have as much of an effect on you. But, I invite you to extend kindness their way, because they most likely may be needing it.
I honestly wrote this post as a reminder to myself, but as I have scrolled through my social media in recent weeks I have seen a lot of justification, a lot of hurtful comments and opinions, and I figured someone else may be needing to hear these words of wisdom as well. So, STOP JUSTIFYING, dive into your insecurities and sort through them, forgive others for their rudeness and hurtful comments, and above all, be kind.